Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Wonderful You Wednesday: Be Real

I'm not really sure where to begin with this, so I'm just going to go.

I was very inspired by one of my Trakkers teammates, Mike, the other day when he spoke of being real and transparent on his blog.  I generally consider myself to be very transparent.  What you see is what you get with me.

Until lately.

I've been feeling kind of down and just generally not myself.  Mike put up a very raw post that got me to thinking that I haven't been totally transparent here and elsewhere because I didn't want people to think something was wrong.  I didn't want people to think they had to ask me what was wrong or comfort me.  I'm not sure why I felt that way, but I have found myself struggling to write posts lately because the things I really need to write weren't uplifting or funny or inspiring or interesting.

The fact of the matter is that there is no rule that says we must be happy all the time.  Sometimes life is hard and throws you a whammy here and there.  And I feel like I have had them coming left and right lately.  It all started around Thanksgiving when I really let my feelings get hurt by someone in my family.  Without going into details, it was one of those situations that I had absolutely no control over, and I'm not sure if what happened was intentional, but I was very hurt (actually am still very hurt) and not feeling very holiday-like.

Not feeling very holiday-like was compounded by a lot of issues Ryan has been going through at school and home that culminated with me in the principal's office...several times.  Somehow I made it through 12 years of school without ever going to the principal's office...leave it to my child to make sure I end up there sooner or later.

And then New Year's rolls around, and I felt like I should be reflecting on what a wonderful year I had and what a great year 2011 is going to be, and instead of feeling like I had a wonderful year (which I did) I could only think about the last 6 weeks of it, which weren't so great.  Which made me feel ungrateful for the really wonderful life I have been given.

So, what does this have to do with Wonderful You Wednesday?  I realize this isn't a be-happy post I usually write, but I am really feeling like sometimes someone just needs to give us permission to feel overwhelmed.  Permission to feel sad.  Permission to feel hurt.

My mom called me today, in that way moms do, and asked me what was wrong.  She just knew even though I had not said anything to her.  And she listened without judgment and told me it was okay to feel this way sometimes.  She said it's okay to just let myself feel these things, because they are real, and I'm not doing myself any favors by pretending they aren't there.  It's okay for people to realize I am not always "myself." Thank God for my mom.  Sometimes, even when you are 36, you just need your mommy.

So today, I will say that I do not feel happy every second of my day.  I feel overwhelmed sometimes.  I feel hurt every now and then.  And acknowledging that helps me let it go, so I can find that joy I usually have in my heart again.  I can put all of that onto something much greater than I will ever be.  God did not call me to be perfect.  And that is okay.

And that is being real.

17 comments :

  1. Very well said..I think sometimes on our blogs we feel like we need to be "happy" or find something positive to say, but the bottom line is, sometimes I actually write better when i'm frustrated or sentimental or something isn't "quite right"...it's the way I get things off my chest.

    Love that you are able to talk to your mom.....such a good outlet to have and she supported you. Even if she can't "fix" things, sometimes you just need to know you have support.

    No doubt a family run-in and trips to the principals office can really put you in a funk for quite some time.....thinking of you and hoping that as time goes on you'll be able to heal and gain some perspective and just start feeling a bit more like yourself again.

    I hate being in funks too...but sometimes we need to be in funks so that we can get to the bottom of whatever it is we're going through...

    Not even sure I made sense...sending hugs..

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  2. Great post! I often have moods and they end up on my posts. It takes courage to be "real" so congrats for doing that.

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  3. To make you feel better, my 5 y old was also called into the principal's office a few months ago bc he used the word "Stupid" in class. LOL. And I had a big argument with my sister in law over the summer. I don't talk about these things on my blog bc I tend to focus on fitness mainly. Every blog is different, and I feel that if you need to talk about things that may be more "negative" or sad, then do so. We all have those moments whether we talk about them on the blog or not. Funks are normal, and they go away. Your will too.

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  4. This is a GREAT post for so many reasons. Thanks for taking the risk to put it out there. The part about your mom gave me a lump in my throat. So glad you shared.

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  5. Thank Goodness I am not the only one who feels this way sometimes!! I actually am going thru something similar now-something big is weighing heavily on me and not sure which direction to take...just pray. Thanks for being so open and sharing :)

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  6. I know that I really need to hear this sometimes because I feel the same way. Some days I feel so out of control and sad. I want things to be just so----my parenting, my diet, my exercise, my clothes, my house, my husband, my friends, me......my therapy sessions.....and they aren't. By the very nature of our existence we have these ebbs and flows. I am focusing on ways to not stay in that funk.....and reading your blog, and friends and my faith have helped just that. Like you said, part of accepting our "wonderful" self is knowing that there are times when we just don't have it together and are sad. Love to you.

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  7. It's ok to be real. Me not being real to myself ended with me in the psych ward last week. I will never again pretend to be ok when I'm not. It's not healthy.
    May your funk pass soon. But, until then, feel free to wallow. It's ok!

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  8. I love this - it is funny. I feel like people expect me to be "on" all the time. Sometimes if I am quiet or subdued or whatever, for what ever reason, I get "What is wrong" and the truth is you just can't be "on" or happy all of the time. And I think being honest about it allows us to have that many more happy moments, you know? Instead of swallowing it down and acting like nothing is wrong...anyway, really awesome post. Gee, I am chatty tonight.

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  9. Hi Kelly - This is exactly what I needed to read today. My last two days at work have been completely overwhelming. Lots of things I thought were under control were suddenly NOT, and my workload mushroomed, right along with my feelings of incompetency. Tuesday I was in tears by 11am...today it was 3 when the waterworks started. I'm hoping tomorrow I can just keep BREATHING and get through it. Anyway, THANK YOU for being real - because it's all any one of us can be. And we're all really, honestly, good enough that way. (This is what I'll be telling myself while BREATHING tomorrow. :))

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  10. Kelly, this was probably one of your better blogs. I try to be as positive and strong as I can, but life does throw us some curves. You sure have gone throught a lot in the past few years and I have marveled at your resilence. Keep writing, your blog will reveal there are a lot of people going through the same highs and lows.

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  11. Let is all out on you slice of the interwebs - this blogging stuff can be very theraputic!

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  12. So many good words!

    It's always good to remember that being whole means feeling wholly. Grief, joy, disinterest, they are all emotions that should be felt and expressed. We should be overwhelmed at times by our emotions. It's healthy. We are emotional creatures. The test is in how we respond.

    Thanks for the shout out! I feel like you are stealing words right out of my head :) Like the other comments have said, it's a comfort knowing that we all feel this way, and in sharing we find that community of people who are willing/able to be raw/real/transparent!

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  13. "...sometimes someone just needs to give us permission to feel overwhelmed. Permission to feel sad. Permission to feel hurt."

    Thank you for posting this. I have been quite hurt and sad since November.. it's all I can focus on, and I have been annoyed at myself for feeling this way; for letting someone else get to me this much.

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  14. wonderful post. Life isn't always sunshine and rainbows and that IS ok. There are dark days, there are rain clouds and sometimes it just plain.old.sucks.
    Hang in there!!
    Thank God for Mommies huh??

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  15. Sigh....thank God for mommies....and the beautiful thing? We are blessed to BE mommies...and our children will forever be in love with us for that too. No wonder you loved snuggling with your lil buddy this week! These times help us to remember who God really is and the relief that HE is on the throne and WE are not, becomes suddenly magnificent. Love ya!

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  16. It's good to feel the real emotions. Let them run through you allow yourself to indulge in them! And I like the idea of sharing them in this form bc the people that are reading your blog are real... they want to know that you too are real.. that you have low points and are able to find your way out of them!!! So big hugs to you as you have just gone through a holiday season less than excited about it (exactly the same way I did... and it's kinda the pits).

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  17. Great post Kelly- you are right. I understand what you are saying - sometimes you put on a happy face because you don't want the "pity"- but at some point it's going to come out sooner or later.

    I have always known my mom to be a relentlessly positive, happy person. However, she is going through a rough time right now and needs me as a shoulder to cry on. It was a weird adjustment, because she had always "hidden" her worries from me. As close as I already was to my mom, I feel much closer to her now as I am beginning to learn that she is a "real" person too, and not just my mother.

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