I finished my 12-week no-sugar challenge on Sunday...
now I'm in a funk.
Here's the problem:
I splurged on Sunday and Monday. I ate way too much sugar and junk, and now I'm in a funk. At first, I was just depressed and bemoaning my body. You know, "Why am I so fat?", "Where is my self-control?", "Why does it seem like some people don't have to try so hard to be thin?", etc., etc....
All day yesterday I was thinking about my body image issues. I am 5'8" and hover around 147. I am fit and healthy. I run, bike, and swim miles and miles a week. Why can't I just be satisfied with where I am??
I could go into a diatribe here about media images, poor self-esteem, bad habits passed down from my parents, and on and on. I'm not going to do that, because I have to come to terms with this myself. This is about me not being satisfied with myself, and I'm not talking about weight here.
Today I realized that, for me, my body image is very much tied in to what I am eating. I do not look any different today than I did last week, but last week I had not binged out on sugar for two days!! After almost 35 years, you would think that I would have this figured out--when I am eating right, I feel good; when I eat like crap, I feel like crap (translation: I feel like I am fat.)
I wish I could find a healthy balance of eating right and splurging. When I have rules, I do really well, but I want to not have to have the rules. I want to just eat right. How hard can that be?
So, once again, I return to balance. This is really becoming a defining principle of my life this year. I need to balance healthy eating with occasional splurges. I need to understand that if I eat junk I get in a funk, but also allow myself to have a splurge guilt-free.
Most importantly, I think I need to work harder at accepting my body where I am right now.